Expiration Dating

It’s easy to offer sound, rational advice to love-struck peers, but as soon as your own heart is hit with a meat mallet, it’s impossible to see things clearly. Leaving Chicago was one of the most traumatizing events of my life. I left behind the college version of myself I’d grown to know so well but I also forced myself to turn my back on a relationship that I thought was The Relationship. Looking back, I chuckle to think I could have ended up with a tattooed college athlete with diamonds in his ears, but when you’re in it, it’s so easy to get wrapped up in what you have. I was so overwhelmed by the good stuff and so blind to the obviously bad.

Once in DC, I made a life for me. A Kat life. I tried so hard not to be a pushover and to do the things that made ME happy, but even living just for me, it was hard not to want someone to be with. I like when guys dote on me. I like having a built-in friend, companion, and travel buddy. Everything is more fun when a boyfriend comes along. Social situations are less stressful, life feels safer, and I’m happy waking up next to someone I care about.

So with G leaving DC for good, I’ve had to adjust to “expiration dating”. We are still a couple in the truest sense of the word (we go out, hang out, don’t date other people, etc) but there is a finality to it that I haven’t experienced before. I know with absolute clarity I want to get married and be a mom, so what am I doing with him? Why am I wasting these weeks hanging out with G when I could be breaking up, moving on, and meeting someone new? Why am I emotionally torturing myself? I tend to cling to the status quo, happy and complacent with things just the way they are, so maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why I’m willing to hold on to something that will never be more than what it is now.

Or maybe, sadly, pathetically, I’m clinging because I feel like I might change his mind in the next 10 days. I know it’s hopeless (I’ve spoken to him about it) but I don’t WANT it to be hopeless.

The craziest part is I know on some level we aren’t even right for each other. True, we are compatible in seemingly obvious ways, and bring out good sides of each other in certain situations, but I’m outdoorsy and active in a way he never will be and his love of fantasy sports and late nights is something I’ll never entirely understand.

So, as the expiration date on my expiration dating comes closer, I guess I’ll just have to focus on what makes ME happy. A friend recently told me, do what you love and you’ll find it.

So simple. So perfect.

The Economics of Dating

My roommate R recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years and has been quick to re-enter the dating world. She started seeing a guy at work, M, who has a history of casual hook-ups and one night stands. Unprompted, he offered up a number around 50. If you catch my drift.

When I see them together, he seems sweet and doting and not at all the sleazy dirt bag I pictured when she first divulged his dating history. They spend hours and hours together and never seem to tire of laughing and talking and enjoying each others company. And I like him. He's a nice guy. He's smart and genuine and affectionate towards her - even when others are around - and he seems completely enamored with her.

So, when I told my boyfriend G about their relationship, I was shocked when he calmly said: "I give it six weeks. Tops"

Whatttt?

I didn't understand. How could he be so dismissive of my roommate and her new love? He was belittling their passion by suggesting it was coming to an end within the month.

So he broke it down for me in a little lesson called "relationship economics".

G explained that in econ terms, the past is the best indicator of the future when it comes to a mathematical trend. Of course, statistically, there are always outliers, but on average, if the trend is consistent, odds are, it will continue on that path.

So if M has a history of casually dating girls and ending things within a matter of weeks, odds are, R is NOT the exception to the rule.

I argue that people are not economically sound. We can't determine someone's actions by his past behavior. Yes, it might make sense mathematically to analyze a trend and apply it to the current situation, but when it comes to people and our quirky decision making, I truly believe that no calculations can estimate the value of a human connection.

M's former women might have been dumb or flaky or bad in bed. He might have been immature or sad or searching for something better. G knows virtually nothing about this new boy and yet feels confident predicting the demise of a relationship.

We decided to bet on it. $5 says R and M break up by Memorial Day.

Clearly, I'm a terrible person betting on my friend's relationship but....I've got three weeks to see if I'm out five bucks or a couple dollars richer.

The grass is always greener...

Do we always want what we can't have? Is it just a symptom of selfish twenty-somethings, or is everyone like this?

I have a great job and I'm thankful for the paycheck that's miraculously deposited into my bank account every other Friday, but when my unemployed friends flit from city to city sleeping on futons, visiting friends, and barhopping, it's hard not to feel jealous. I want the spontaneity of their lives. I want the flexibility. I want the freedom and the epic stories that come with crashing on a college friend's couch.

My unemployed friends tell me I'm crazy. "You think we want this? Roaming from place to place?" They tell me their parents harass them daily to find work, their savings are dwindling miserably, their rent feels scarily high. "The grass is always greener," they say as they hop on the bus to NY for the weekend...

But it's more than just the job thing. Not to pull a Carrie Bradshaw, but it's relationships too. As a young person, I spent months looking for a guy. The bar scene in DC is hectic and exhausting and I'm not the online dating type. But when you finally find someone who makes you happy, you second guess things. You're vulnerable again. A part of you longs for the independence and sense of self that comes from not catering to another person's needs.

A part of me feels like I should cut all ties. Remove the bindings that hold me to my current life (job, apartment, boyfriend) and see what I'm left with.

I feel antsy and in need of some serious self reflection. I want to visit Chile, San Francisco, Australia. I want to walk and run and canoe? Sitting at my desk day in and day out, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week,  351 days per year feels stifling.

I'm 23 and not getting any younger.  Now is my time.

But maybe, the grass is always greener?

Vote for my Blog! (No, not this one...)

Wow. Good thing I didn't make "blogging more" my new year's resolution. I've been pretty terrible at finding time for it outside of work. Reading Hunger Games has occupied my evenings as of late.

But. Good news! The blog I write at Wellness Corporate Solutions was nominated as one of Healthline's Best Health Blogs of 2011 and I need people to vote to move us up in the rankings! Make sure you’re logged in to Facebook or Twitter and follow the steps below:

1. Go to: http://www.healthline.com/health/best-health-blogs-contest
2. Search for Corporate Wellness Insights (or find us on the second page – we are currently in 11th place)
3. Click vote and allow Healthline to post to Facebook or Twitter

Thanks for all your support!

Thinking about getting into this whole blogging thing more...

So, I'm employed now and have been for over a year. I'm too lazy to change the name of this blog but I'd like to keep writing about the post college working world. It seems to be a pretty hot topic these days and obviously it's relevant to my life, so I guess it's all the more important for me to talk/blog about.

My position at work has officially switched from program manager to marketing & communications manager, so for the unforeseeable future, I'll be the resident blogger, online media content manager, and article writer. In general, this is a pretty low stress job and I don't have to report to anyone on a daily basis. That freedom in itself will be a wonderfully refreshing change.

More posts to come. I've got some pretty funny stories from the gym last week. It cracks me up when people make new year's resolutions to get healthy and hit the gym hard for about 6 days and then bail for the rest of the year. Def have to share my experiences with my 2 readers (thanks S and N!)

Happy 2012!

Apparntly, I'm a Murdrr of Tchnology

Things that broke this week:
* my laptop
* my blackberry
* my ipod

Also, no joke, when I'm around other people, suddenly they start having issues too. Like, when I was trying to chat with D and his skype stopped working, or when I walked into work on Thursday and the office wireless system suddenly went down. I feel like I'm sending out some weird electrical signals that have the singular goal of destroying anything tech-related.

The funniest thing about my phone is the way in which it is broken. It's almost hard to be mad when the brokenness of it is so freakin' bizarre. This is how my blackberry died: The screen lights up only when I hold down the red "off" key for about 10 seconds. Once "off" turns it "on", the trackpad only works on the main screen. As soon as I open up the bigger menu, the trackpad mysteriously fails to cooperate. So, this means I can't turn the phone off, set my alarm, or do any auto updates.

The best part of the brokenness though: The "e" key stopped working. I would text/bbm people and it would look like this: OMG my phon is so annoying. it's brokn. argggg. i hat this." Of course, I took this as a challenge and tried to send as many texts as possible with total disregard for the malfunctioning letter. If "e" didn't want to work for me, then fine. I didn't need it anyway. My texts became totally ridiculous: "arggg blackbrry did. I cant typ th lttr "". vrizon stor far away. can i gt a fr upgrad?".

Luckily, I ordered a new computer so at least I'm not "O for 3" anymore. Off to the Verizon store later today for a new blackberry (fingers crossed I don't break this one too).



***Updates to this blog have become few and far between but I also write health updates for the company blog at work (www.365daysofwellness.blogspot.com) if anyone wants to check it out. As soon as our busy season winds down (flu shot season is the busiest time of the year) I'm sure I'll start updating this one more often.

And This is Why I'm Not a Mother

Sometimes I worry how my children will turn out. I don't really know much about parenting but it seems like there are certain things that work, and certain things that don't work. But then, there's so much gray area it all just gets way too confusing. For example, something that doesn't work - hitting you kid. Something that does work - hitting your kid. And by hitting I mean spanking, or whatever it is that parents occasionally use to punish their children for bad behavior in order to teach them some sort of lesson. Anyway, this is not the point I want to make because I know "spanking" is a hot topic in mommy-world right now and people get really invested in the debate. My point is that some behaviors seem like they they would encourage a child to become the best person he or she can be, while others might stifle a child and prevent him from developing into a productive human being.

You would think that showering your only child with love and attention and investing in word-of-the-day toilet paper would produce a happy, smart, socially successful child. You might also think that leaving your 4-year old in the company of the family dog while you gulp back a few too many glasses of red wine with a man you just met on jdate would produce a bitter, mal-adjusted kid. But I now have living proof that this is not always the case.

So where do things go wrong? Clearly there's the whole nature v. nurture discussion but seriously, I guess this is why I'm not fit to be a parent. I feel like even when adults try to be the perfect parents, a child can still turn into a college drop out living at home with no job and a chain smoking habit that dulls the skin, yellows the teeth, and leaves you saying whaaaat happpenddd?