And This is Why I'm Not a Mother

Sometimes I worry how my children will turn out. I don't really know much about parenting but it seems like there are certain things that work, and certain things that don't work. But then, there's so much gray area it all just gets way too confusing. For example, something that doesn't work - hitting you kid. Something that does work - hitting your kid. And by hitting I mean spanking, or whatever it is that parents occasionally use to punish their children for bad behavior in order to teach them some sort of lesson. Anyway, this is not the point I want to make because I know "spanking" is a hot topic in mommy-world right now and people get really invested in the debate. My point is that some behaviors seem like they they would encourage a child to become the best person he or she can be, while others might stifle a child and prevent him from developing into a productive human being.

You would think that showering your only child with love and attention and investing in word-of-the-day toilet paper would produce a happy, smart, socially successful child. You might also think that leaving your 4-year old in the company of the family dog while you gulp back a few too many glasses of red wine with a man you just met on jdate would produce a bitter, mal-adjusted kid. But I now have living proof that this is not always the case.

So where do things go wrong? Clearly there's the whole nature v. nurture discussion but seriously, I guess this is why I'm not fit to be a parent. I feel like even when adults try to be the perfect parents, a child can still turn into a college drop out living at home with no job and a chain smoking habit that dulls the skin, yellows the teeth, and leaves you saying whaaaat happpenddd?

An Epic Quest for BBQ Sauce

Tomorrow, my company hosts a one-day, indoor, Farmer's Market for a law firm in downtown DC. This project has been in the works for several months, but apparently, it is an annual event.

The original market mission was to provide a team of overworked, stressed out lawyers with fresh, local produce to encourage eco-friendly habits and healthy eating. Unfortunately, farmers are busy people and they don't have time to just mosey on over into the heart of DC for a one-day, single-company event. So, in an attempt to procure enough vendors to fill the large, open space and draw the lawyers away from their desks during billable hours, the on-site coordinator requested gelato. Then chocolate. Then cupcakes. Then, McCutcheon's famous BBQ sauce.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of BBQ sauce. I don't really care for condiments in general but there's something about BBQ sauce that has always skeeved me out a little bit. I think mostly because I don't exactly understand what it is. It's not ketchup, and it's not A1. It's sort of sweet and goopy, but when it's spicy it's usually too spicy. I dunno... I guess a lot of people like it, but it's just not for me. Anyway, the law firm's event coordinator, Ebony, was a BIG fan of this famous "bone-suckin" sauce in years past and she would not allow the fair to take place without at least 2 cases present the day of the event.

So, despite the mountain of work sitting on my desk waiting to be dealt with, I drove from DC to "the historic town of Frederick, MD". What I thought would be a 45 minute drive turned into 2 hours of gnarly traffic, road construction, and bumpy back country roads. By the time I arrived at the cannery my legs had completely tightened up and my ears were ringing from hearing the same 3 songs on Hot 99.5 (Only Girl, Like a G6, Just the Way You Are).

And, while I'm thinking about it, what IS IT about 99.5? There are more than 5 songs that exist in the world right now... why do the djs feel obligated to play the same ones over and over and over and over?!? You really don't realize how little variety there is on the radio until you're in the car for several hours straight and able to memorize every ridiculous lyric in the top 10 countdown (with Ryan Seacrest! gagggg)

But I digress.

I picked up our wholesale order of BBQ sauce - as well as some apple butter and blackberry preserves (in an attempt to bring something wholesome and "farmer-y" to the table) and drove back to the office as fast as I could. What I thought would be a quick detour on my way to work ended up taking my ENTIRE morning. I returned to the office triumphant in my quest for sauce but dismayed to find it was already the afternoon. The clock read 12:02 pm. Ouch.

The worst part about this whole adventure is that my healthy, wellness-centered "market" has now become a kind of fair. Just a big, indoor fair. With BBQ sauce.