3 Socially Awkward Situations that Arise from Working at Home

While there are innumerable perks to working from home, there have been some uber weird moments recently where I’ve been caught off guard by my own ridiculousness. Here are a few that I’ve taken note of in the past month. I’m sure there are about a billion more.

You’re home to greet the maintenance guy. 
While at first this doesn’t sound like a bad thing, when you become buddy buddy with the building janitor it’s all the more awkward when he shows up to plunge your toilet. In my defense, I’ve managed to go three full years without having to call a plumber, so I think my commode was just ripe for a good ol’ clogging. When Carlos showed up at my door, plunger in hand, I sheepishly directed him towards my bathroom mumbling something about my roommate being at fault… But Carlos knew. He knew.

You don’t say words out loud. 
When you’re home alone for days on end, there is no reason to speak unless it’s to answer an errant phone call from your grandmother or shout expletives in reaction to yet another FB engagement announcement. I communicate with my coworkers almost exclusively via email, gchat, and digital chat rooms, so we very rarely say actual words. When I finally experience a form of human interaction (with the local barista or my parents or my roommate) I tend to talk a mile a minute and viciously over share. Tasha – my latte master – has heard the non-abbreviated version of my grandfather’s funeral, my sister’s five-year business plan, and my high school friend’s prenuptial agreement. I just can’t keep words inside when I’m finally given the chance to speak. It’s like explosive word vomit every time I see another person (hmmm maybe that’s what destroyed my toilet…)

It becomes acceptable to not wear clothes until mid-afternoon. 
I don’t really like clothes. Never have. I find them itchy and constricting and unflattering on my figure. If I had a tailor who could fashion me zip-up onesies made entirely from lululemon’s stretchy luon fabric, I’d be much more amenable to staying covered up. But, home alone with no plans other than to write from my couch? Why do I need a bra for that? Who said pants have to be a mandatory garment? The other day I sat in bed wearing nothing but an oversized sweater until 2 pm. TWO PEE EM. I’m not sure if this represents a lowly lowly low or an epic high.

Is this what winning at life feels like?

Relationship Advice: If There's No Room for This Article of Clothing... Leave.

Remember when you held up my tiny tank top and asked coldly what it was doing in your drawer? You glared at me like my shirt was a grenade moments away from annihilating your entire neighborhood, rather than the innocent piece of black fabric I knew it to be.

God forbid I take up two inches of your precious closet space.

If this had been days or even weeks into our relationship, I might have understood, but this was several months of regular sleepovers and the official label of "Girlfriend". So why were you so possessive of your space? Why couldn't you make room for me in your life? Were my actions so outlandish and overly-familiar that you felt the need to lash out over a shirt?

That silly shirt has since become a symbol of everything I'm looking for in future relationships.

I want someone who knows my tank tops have nestled in few drawers other than my own. I want someone who recognizes how lucky he is to take off my shirt. I want someone who feels proud to have an article of my clothing tucked away in a corner of his room – a guarantee of future visits.

You might not have thought about it that way. In fact, I’m pretty sure you never grasped the enormity of the situation at the time. But your spiteful, entitled attitude should have sent me running.

I kick myself for trying to make you like me when clearly, you didn’t even like my shirt.