How Google Search Results Sum Up the Difference Between Men and Women

They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus but by they, I mean some pseudo-therapist who made a gajillion dollars in the 90’s by calling himself a relationship counselor and writing a book.

As annoying as the book sounds, it’s true that men and women have their differences. When it comes to things like socializing, money, and football, I sometimes feel like guys are speaking a foreign language. What do you mean you might make fantasy playoffs? What sport are you even talking about? And how does a playoff exist if the whole thing is made up. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CLUE ME IN.

Anyway, that got me thinking about all the ways guys and girls are different and one thing I kept landing on was online search behavior. When I google, I look at shelter puppies and pinterest and celebrity gossip. What do guys search for? Porn? They probably have all their favorite sites bookmarked by now though, right? Well, here’s how I imagine it might look for the average Jack and Jill.

Ladies: 

• Calories in a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte 
• Pumpkin muffin recipe 
• Calories in pumpkin muffins 
• What to do with leftover canned pumpkin 
• Harry Winston engagement rings 
• Google maps 
• UTI symptoms 
• Ryan Gosling shirtless 

I’d say this list pretty accurately reflects my search queries on a random Tuesday in November. Now for the dudes.

Gentlemen: 

• Two blonde sluts 
• Amateur 
• Spankwire 
• Pornhub 
• Morton’s menu 
• Directions to Morton’s 
• How to unclog a toilet when the plunger won’t work 
• Can I have sex with my girlfriend when she has a UTI? 
• Spankwire 
• Pornhub 
• Amateur 
• Two curvy sluts 

If anyone finds themselves offended by this list and my sweeping generalizations, please feel free to contribute your search results in the comments section below.