My Dream Guy Criteria - 20's Edition

Do you have a Dream Guy? And I don’t mean Ryan Gosling or Wentworth Miller (look him up, I call dibs), but do you have a hypothetical perfect guy pieced together with the best parts of every man you've ever known? I do.

These days, my list is pretty fluid (Thanks DC for my ever-plummeting standards) but when I was younger, I had pages upon pages of “ideal husband” material I was convinced I couldn’t live without.

Today, I stumbled upon an old journal entry listing my dream guy criteria from when I was 12 and I realized... not much has changed. I still want funny and smart and kind and tall, but I do feel like I need to edit it to eliminate the superficial items (tween me was adamant about finding a man with light eyes…today I’ll settle for brown) and add the newly important (good grammar – absolute must).

My dream guy and I better have some intense textual chemistry. I want funny, offensive, frequent text banter and I want it now. If I send something hilariously awesome, I better not get an “LOL” in response. In fact, “lol” in any forum is grounds for me never talking to you again. True story.

I also don’t want text updates detailing every mundane second of your day. I don’t care about your dentist appointment. I don't care about the weather. I want your droll observations about the randos pretentiously reading The Economist on their way to work. Or I want a link to your favorite overly attached gf meme on reddit. Is that too much to ask?

Is texting incompatibility a deal breaker? For me, yes. Here’s why: I see it as an indicator of life compatibility. Why would I want to be with someone who judges me for texting an inordinate amount when I have a lot to say? Or why would I want to be bombarded with boring updates I don't even want to read? Social connectivity via tech devices obviously isn't going away, so it's really just another medium for establishing and nurturing a relationship.

If you're not on my level, it's not gonna work.

Apparntly, I'm a Murdrr of Tchnology

Things that broke this week:
* my laptop
* my blackberry
* my ipod

Also, no joke, when I'm around other people, suddenly they start having issues too. Like, when I was trying to chat with D and his skype stopped working, or when I walked into work on Thursday and the office wireless system suddenly went down. I feel like I'm sending out some weird electrical signals that have the singular goal of destroying anything tech-related.

The funniest thing about my phone is the way in which it is broken. It's almost hard to be mad when the brokenness of it is so freakin' bizarre. This is how my blackberry died: The screen lights up only when I hold down the red "off" key for about 10 seconds. Once "off" turns it "on", the trackpad only works on the main screen. As soon as I open up the bigger menu, the trackpad mysteriously fails to cooperate. So, this means I can't turn the phone off, set my alarm, or do any auto updates.

The best part of the brokenness though: The "e" key stopped working. I would text/bbm people and it would look like this: OMG my phon is so annoying. it's brokn. argggg. i hat this." Of course, I took this as a challenge and tried to send as many texts as possible with total disregard for the malfunctioning letter. If "e" didn't want to work for me, then fine. I didn't need it anyway. My texts became totally ridiculous: "arggg blackbrry did. I cant typ th lttr "". vrizon stor far away. can i gt a fr upgrad?".

Luckily, I ordered a new computer so at least I'm not "O for 3" anymore. Off to the Verizon store later today for a new blackberry (fingers crossed I don't break this one too).



***Updates to this blog have become few and far between but I also write health updates for the company blog at work (www.365daysofwellness.blogspot.com) if anyone wants to check it out. As soon as our busy season winds down (flu shot season is the busiest time of the year) I'm sure I'll start updating this one more often.