Crazy Girls

When I think back to the guys I dated over the years, I know a number of them would probably call me a crazy bitch. I should probably be insulted by this, but ultimately, it just doesn’t bother me. Because it’s true.

It’s not uncommon for a girl to go psycho on the guy she’s dating or fucking or whatever-ing. I just think that when a girl acts crazy, it’s because the guy is making her crazy. He gives her reasons to doubt the relationship. He gives her reasons to feel insecure and unloved. He gives her reasons to come undone. 

Girls, and guys too for that matter, tend not to act insane for no reason whatsoever. I suppose there is the rare person who flips out over literally nothing, but I think that is far more rare than we’ve been led to believe. Rather, as human beings, it's in our best interest to maintain the status quo.

Rocking the boat is usually more effort than it’s worth.

When you have something good, you just want to hold on to it. You don’t want to be suspicious or doubtful or angry. You trust.

Maybe I’ve just never had the chance to trust before. Maybe I’ve never given anyone a reason to trust me. I guess what I’m saying is, it’s pretty fucking sweet when you find it. 

What's YOUR Number?

It frequently comes as a surprise that even the sweetest, dweebiest, nerdiest guys have had considerably more sexual partners than I have. I mean, I’m not that bad to look at and I’m certainly no angel, yet I’ve shown restraint with my lady parts to avoid becoming known as the town slut.

But then I hear these stories, and it’s like, with guys, the more casual, emotionally unattached, and depraved the hook up, the prouder they are.

• Duuuuude I fucked some girl last night (high fives ensue) 

• Duuuuude I think she pissed on our floor (snicker snicker) 

• Duuuuude is she still here..? (looks of horror all around) 

HA HA HA. How is this a thing?

When a girl has a one night stand (or a casual fling or anything remotely “unacceptable”) she instantly wants to undo it. The morning after, heels in hand, she is quick to flee the scene of the crime.

A girl feels the need to rationalize, to justify, to erase.

She wonders - is there a loophole in the system that will allow this guy not to count as a notch on her bedpost?

• Maybe it was just the tip? 

• Maybe he didn’t finish? 

• He wore a condom, right? So it barely even counts... 

The fact that women even feel the need to make such ridiculous (and patently false) justifications is sad.

Why can’t we just screw proudly and not give a damn how many penises are in or around us?

I Wish I Were a Crazyyyyy Girl

Am I TOO normal?

I've always kind of pictured myself as the girl-next-door type. Someone laid back and easy going who's cute enough to show off to your friends and sweet enough to bring home to your mom, but lately I've been feeling like maybe that's a bad thing.

Watching some of the girls around me, I'm amazed by what some of them get away with - and how guys don't even bat an eye at their appalling behavior.

I've watched girls go ape-shit crazy on their bf's over the stupidest things ("you emailed your ex-gf something totally harmless and non-romantic?????!! We're DONE!!") and the guy quickly apologizes and backs down and pledges his undying love for crazy betch.

Or, when some girls feel sick and demand to be taken care of and pampered and brought soup and comfort food, and guilt their boyfriends into taking a sick day too so they can properly take care of them. And guys seem to eat this up. They want to swoop in and save the day.  They want to feel needed and appreciated. I guess in the modern world of dating, bringing tea to a vomming girlfriend is one way to achieve that?

Sometimes (and here's the cliched situation that we all know too well) girls take hours to get ready for a night out. They agonize over the perfect outfit, trying on option after option. They shower and blow out their hair and do a full face of make-up and nails and toes and self-tanner and perfect their appearance from head to toe. And their boyfriends patiently wait because if it takes the girl two hours to look hot - it's worth the wait? I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. You'd think guys would want a low maintenance girl but it seems like they prefer someone they have to work to maintain.

Guys put up with SO MUCH BS from girls on a regular basis and it shocks me. Why do males endure the crazies? Do they stick it out because they're in love? Or because it's easier to stay with someone and all their issues than it is to turn around and start over with someone new? Do hormones and brain chemistry keep them tied to these girls?

All I can say is...watching the relationships around me, it makes me want to be a controlling, psychotic, over-emotional, high maintenance girl just so I can get some god damn attention.

The Worst Part about a Break-Up (and a mini rave about Girls)

I love Girls so much. And not in the lesbian way (not that there's anything wrong with that...) but in the can't get enough of Lena Dunham and her quirky brilliance kind of way. If there are any mid-20-year-old girls currently living in a major city who don't find this show appealing, you're crazy.

In general, I'm not the most opinionated person, but I can honestly say I LOVE THIS SHOW. There have been some complaints about the white-ness of it (literally not a single black/brown/asian person in any of the 8 episodes so far), but for people like me (sorry, I'm white and privileged) the show really hits home.

It does a good job of highlighting how trivial 20-something's problems are without being condescending. One character, Marnie, breaks up with her boyfriend of four years and spends the next few episodes moping around and wallowing in her misery. She is really, really sad even though it was HER decision to break up with the guy.

I can completely relate to this. Just because you don't want to be with someone anymore doesn't mean you don't feel sad about being alone. Marnie had a constant companion and built-in best friend for four years. Losing that is like losing a family member. Or a limb. Or something equally monumental. When the ex-bf shows up at a party two weeks after the break-up with a tiny, new, adorable girlfriend, Marnie is crushed. Partly because the girl is cute and it's clear the boyfriend has moved on, but partly because she wanted to beat him to the punch.

When you're the breaker-upper, you usually assume you'll be the first to re-find happiness. When that doesn't happen it's confusing.

Break-ups completely suck. That's easy enough to conclude, but lately I've been thinking what's so terrible about them isn't losing a boyfriend. It's losing the friendship you created with someone over the time you spent together.

And even if you can truly be friends with an ex, it's never the same. You will never be as important to each other as you once were. And to me, that's the saddest part about it. Becoming less important to someone who was, at one time, the biggest part of your life.